Tuesday, February 6, 2007

If Your Generation Is So Great, Why Can't You Stop Dying?

Ever since the 1998 release of Tom Brokaw’s book “The Greatest Generation” old people have been going around like they are the cock of the walk. Talking about how they fought in World War II and how they survived the Great Depression. Well you know what? I’m tired of that poppycock. It’s high time that we take our rightful place as the Greatest Generation.

Here is my point. If their generation is so great, why can’t they stop dying so much? Seriously, our generation is thriving, we're setting up to lead America in this upcoming century. Look at the numbers, many more of their generation are dying daily, and those who are alive are in nursing homes, crapping their pants and drooling all over the place. If I wanted my country to be represented by self-defecating droolers, I would vote for those Baby Geniuses from those films- which I understand to be more or less documentaries.

I can guarantee you this: if we challenged the current “greatest generation” to a see who can live longer contest, I get the distinct feeling that we would dominate on nearly every level. We could also win in the events of “who has more teeth”, “Who can use the internet” and “Who is less startled by sudden movements.”

So if our generation can drive the speed limit, walk unaided, eat solid food, and not- you know- die, then why can't we be the greatest generation? I will personally cage fight any member of that generation in a no-holds-barred battle royale to determine which one of us is truly the "greatest." So my brothers and sisters, join the fight today- the fight to take the title of "greatest generation" from the wrinkled hands and toothless mouths of those decrepit glory hogs. The time is nigh!